Have you ever had a male in your life with whom you made a pact that if by a certain milestone both of you were still single you’d marry each other?

I met my sunshine as I was 25. Well, didn’t actually met him, we were talking a lot online and on the phone. For hours. Day by day. It went on for years. The intensity of our communication diminished by years. We’d tell each other everything…he’s the one that knew me best. And we’d exchange gifts, stand by each other every break up or new beginning of something but never actually met. Interesting.

Neither of us could keep a long term relationship. And one night after countless hours of talk we made a pact. If by my 40th birthday we’d be both single, we’d marry each other. To spend the old days together…

And as the years went by and i turned 35, 36, 37 none of us seemed to settle down, we’d decide to post pone it to my 45th. And I turned 40 this year. And I had an initiation today and it came out. Deep down inside I have this energy of being safe with this arrangement and I keep telling it to myself and to every guy I meet in order he doesn’t get scared.

And I don’t want it. I want a steady relationship with the guy that rocks my world. That makes me shiver just by passing by. And I want him and a future with him. And not with mr. Sunshine. I do not intend to marry you if I am single. I don’t plan to marry you at all 🙂

I want something else and I am going to get it 🙂