Boundaries. For most of my life didn’t know the meaning of the word.
I set my personal boundaries so tight that I limited myself in almost every field. I know now.
But the thin is I let people around me walk all over me not having any boundaries. Because I let them. And I can’t blame anyone else but myself.
I let people take credit for my work as I didn’t appreciate myself enough. I would lend people, thinking they were my friends, money and then time would pass and there were always excuses or ignore.
In 2011 a lent a sum of money to a friend for a couple of months. She was supposed to receive a settlement money from the bank in 3 months time but she needed the money urgently for her PhD. And me, being a good person, gave it to her.
So, when the time for paying back came things with the bank got complicated and postponed, for many months, years….Until after several court appeals she lost and was not entitled to the money anymore.This was in 2015.
All this time I was paying the bank the interests and by today the cost of money exceeds the money I lent her.
When my friends would ask me why does she not pay me back, I told them she doesn’t have the money, she’s struggling…But so was I. I was without a job when she went on vacation, I was struggling with rent when she’d regularly go to do the nails…And I still didn’t do anything.
She started setting up a part time business with a friend that would earn her money so she could start paying me back. Well, they got into a disagreement and she’s not working.
She asked me for help with the internet page set up so she’d do it by herself. And I said yes. Took time the first time we set up a meeting. She was a no show, not even called. OK, it can happen. Two weeks later we set up another date to take some pictures to have for the site. And the same story, no show, no call. OK, maybe something happened to her.
A few days ago she called me, spilt her heart out about the injustices happening to her with this business partner and urged me to set up a site ASAP. OK, I need you to be with me so we set another date for today afternoon and we will set up a Wix site. OK, it’s Sunday and the sooner we do it the sooner she’ll start making money and I’ll get mine back. And again no show, no call.
So it finally struck me. Of course, I let them do with me as she pleases. ENOUGH.
I am done with this. My willingness to help her is gone. With this kind of attitude, she’s only looking for someone else to do things instead of her. And I remembered the moment before the picture in this blog I said to myself:
If you could do that, you can do anything.
And I sent her the file with all the costs my loan to her cost me from 2011 and told her I expect the repayment plan with the dates when I will get the money.
It felt great. Had I not gone through MMI and the exercise, I’d still avoid the conversation with friends regarding me asking my money back. I give her a week to come up with the plan. If she doesn’t I start with more drastic measures.
So, I guess I realised the hard and expensive way what not setting the boundaries can lead to.